Wild horse herds are always led by a female, known as a mare. She earns her position by being brave, clear in her communication, consistent, and discerning. She seeks answers, approaches with appropriate caution, takes excellent care of herself, and holds everyone accountable. In our leadership training for corporate teams, we discuss the key roles of leadership in the herd and explore what aspects apply to our own professional and personal lives. The lead mare is in the first position of leadership. She is the visionary, she sets the pace, direction, and destination of the herd. She relies on others to remain connected with her vision, each member of the herd playing an essential role in the safety and success of the team. She fails in her role if she moves out too far ahead, losing all connection and thus leaving the herd vulnerable. Humans observe the behavior of mares in captivity through a lens that often twists into reflections of our own patriarchal society. Mares are seen as pushy, overly emotional, and downright bitchy. Sound familiar? Our mare, Dancer, is not the lead in our herd. In captivity, mares and geldings are equally capable of leading the herd and in ours the leader is Zip, a gelding. Geldings don’t happen in the wild. Of all the horses though, Dancer is most guileless, most willing to care for her own needs and the best about communicating them. She naps when she feels to, splaying flat out on the ground and expecting her friends to keep watch for predators. She stretches in down dog to stay limber, calls loudest to her friends when they pass by, and pushes her way in for extra scratches whenever the opportunity arises. Here during International Women’s Month, let's celebrate mares. Let’s remember that when we take care of ourselves, when we believe we are worth it, we become fully resourced and able to be the leaders in our lives. Tips to become your own lead mare: Take care of yourself first. Meditate, laugh, exercise, eat well, do whatever fills you with ease, joy, and a sense of wellbeing. Speak your truth with clarity. Know that by being honest and clear, we take full responsibility for ourselves and offer freedom to others to respond as they choose. Take ownership of your life. Whether you like it or not, you are setting the pace, direction and destination of your life. As Carl Jung says, “Until we make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” So, make it a conscious choice.

When I begin working with clients, one of the first questions I invariably ask is, “what do you do for fun?” It sounds trite. It seems like one of those throw away questions that we ask to make lively small talk at a cocktail party. The truth is, the answer to this question has an incredible impact on your life. We’ll get into why, but before we do, take a moment to answer the question for yourself.   Okay, now that you’ve got an answer, let’s explore why our fun matters so much? Let me start with my own story. Once upon a time there was a young professional woman. She graduated from college and began her career in the humanitarian aid sector as a fundraiser. She loved her work. Her nights and weekends were spent with friends, her then husband, and her dogs. She loved adventures in nature, dancing, travel, and socializing. Throughout the next decade, she found lots of ways to have fun. She traveled to four continents, she spent her Sunday mornings in a jazz dance class with her cousin, she spent most Saturday nights out dancing. She studied hard, worked hard, and played hard. But, all was not right. Her husband was not a fit. Her whirl of social life was becoming too much. She was ready for change.   Fast forward. In her thirties, she moved to a spiritual community, developed a daily meditation practice, married a loving man, and had two babies. She didn’t dance anymore. Her career became secondary. She didn’t have dogs anymore. Her babies were amazing, but she was constantly exhausted and had no time to care for herself. She tried to workout, but it was so boring. Her only motivation to get on the treadmill was the chance to listen to her dance music in solitude. Life was rich with love, but progressively heavy. Finances were tight. The weight of duty began to drag her down.   As her thirties came to a close, her second marriage became strained. Her career hit a dead end. The pandemic hit. She was laid off. Her life, it seemed, was unraveling again. She surrendered her worries and embraced the pause. She embraced her motherhood. She took her kids outside and they began to spend time with animals again.   And then it happened. She sat on a horse and remembered JOY. She remembered freedom. She remembered courage. The joy of the horse brought her back to herself, her heart, her inner peace. The rest, my friends, is the history of recent years. The blossoming of new life, new career, new wisdom, new purpose.   And now you. What do you enJOY? What in your life brings you into that frequency? I’m not talking about the ways you disconnect, fill space, zone out. I’m talking about the things you do that bring excitement, enthusiasm, action? What do you do without hesitation? What do you do that moves your body [...]

“Hold up your cup here is some positive tea that I want to pour out for you.”   People have different capabilities of handling tough problems and the failures that may come along. Some would give up even before they get started. Others persist and achieve their dreams no matter how difficult the path proves to be. A philosopher once said that one’s ability to deal with obstacles as well as their failures determine how successful they be. Here are seven reason why you shouldn’t give up on your dream.   First, everyone struggles at some point in life. You are neither the only one nor are you the first one to be in tough situations. In the same way roses grow amidst thorns, and it calls for struggle to pluck them, no perfect outcome comes without struggle. A wise man said that nothing comes on a silver plate. The life story of Oprah Winfrey provides a clear demonstration of how this successful woman emerged from rags of poverty, to be among the richest icon producers in the world. Other icons such as Dwayne Johnson and Lewis Howes have the same story of consistent struggles and later success.   Secondly, there is more than one option in every situation. Success calls for proper evaluation of one’s past successes and failures to identify the best path to take towards the pursuit of their dreams.   Thirdly, past failures should not determine one’s own future. In fact, setbacks improve creativity and thus, one should embrace them, learn from them and use them as a stepping stone to success. After noticing that his production was not selling well in the market, Dwayne Johnson learned from his failures and laid down his agents and again emerged at the top of the market.   Fourth, no struggles last forever and one should stay positive that the situation will get better sometimes. Staying focused on the prize and being persistent no matter the price attracts some fine reward. If one has true interest in gaining something or attaining a goal, they should never give up and finally they will achieve their objectives. Remember, a faint heart never wins a fair lady.   Fifth, you were born and, therefore, there is no way you won’t face challenges on earth. Every human being exists to find a course in life; which presents a rough path at some point. The fact that you are alive gives you no chance to do nothing less than struggle. According to scientists, you were the luckiest among the four hundred trillion gametes to be conceived. Thus, you are a fighter and you can do anything you dream of with sufficient effort and determination. Whatever happens in one’s own life is directly proportional to the choices they have made as well as their ability to pursue their dreams and goals in life. The only excuse that you can give for failure or despair is death. Age, gender, race and [...]

“Hold up your cup here is some positive tea that I want to pour out for you.”   Learning to let go of something in your past can be one of the hardest things in life. Yes, letting go is very difficult. I once thought it meant a sign of weakness if I didn’t hold on. We often feel that if we let go of something or someone, we are giving up. Actually, the best thing for us is to be set free. To let go of that old jacket that you know you will never wear again, to let go of that old car that’s no longer drivable, to let go of that person that we once loved, and might still love, but deep down know they aren’t right for us. Yes, it’s easier said than done. As humans we’re accustomed to holding on, it makes us feel strong, it’s comfortable, and it’s what we know. However, if we’re stuck on the past, how can we open our hearts and minds to new things? In the process of letting go, you will lose many things from the past, but you will find new things in your future. We hold the key to our future and it can be designed to our own liking. But often what we do is we let our past determine the design of our future. And as a result, it looks quite similar to our past. The desperate attempt to hold on to the things that were familiar to us limits our capability to experience happiness and joy in the next chapter of life. If we are going to open the door to our future, we have to throw away our key to the past. We have to let go of all the pain, all the agony, and all the grief that’s in our heads. I’ve learned in my coaching practice to be direct with less steps in order for you to retain or remember our session. Let’s begin!!   Here are two simple steps to set yourself free:   Step One: Forgive the People Who Hurt You It's one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody ~Maya Angelou When you’ve been hurt by someone, it’s not always easy to let it go. But holding on to a grudge will only make you feel worse. If you hang on to bitterness, disappointment, and ill will towards those who have harmed you, you are willingly handing your future to them. Zig Ziglar once said “just because somebody screwed up your past, it doesn’t mean you should give them permission to screw up your future.” Forgiveness is about braking free from the chains that bind you. Forgiveness is about moving on. Forgiveness is about refusing to replay the same event in your mind over and over again, like a broken robot. Forgiveness is about giving yourself a clean slate. Forgiveness is our choice and often our pathway [...]

“Hold up your cup here is some positive tea that I want to pour out for you.”   We all have dreams, don’t we? Dreams of being the most successful person at work. Dreams of being a thriving entrepreneur. Dreams of writing that book that you always wanted to. But then something comes in between and those dreams are tucked away in the garage of our lives for that one day in the future.   Why do you have to wait for that one day? Why do we have to tuck our dreams away? Why have you settled 5-13 years on a job you're not happy at? Deep down, you know this is not what you want out of your life, even though it may be convenient financially. You know exactly what you want to do, you know how you want to live your life, but something is holding you back.   Is it the little voice inside your head that tells you you’re not good enough? Is it the negative judgment from concerned friends and family? Do you realize that these little voices can chip away at your self-confidence? Yes, they could fatally corrode your confidence. Well, today I want you to recapture your passion and confidence for your dreams. Do you know that your dream matters? Do you know that your dream will serve a purpose on earth?  Do you know that your dream will help someone in life?   Your dream should not be cast down or put on hold. If it is friends, families, and acquaintances that are advising you not to follow your dream and are unknowingly holding you back, then don’t share your thoughts with them. That simple. Yes, it is great to have feedback, but only if it is going to encourage and develop you, not demolish your confidence. If you really believe in your dream, ask the experts for directions and rational suggestions, not concerned friends and family members that don’t know all the facts.    Your dream is non-negotiable!! That's right say it with me, "NON-NEGOTIABLE!"  This means you refuse to negatively discuss your dream or even change it. Let me say it this way, "What you dreamt to do, no one or anything should be able to negatively discuss it or change it. It's Non-Negotiable!" -Lyoshi Esters   Here are some Non-Negotiable tips for you:   Eliminate Negative Self-Talk – This Is Non-Negotiable! Negative self-talk limits you, increases stress, and hurts your self-concept. Here’s a tip, as you notice yourself saying something negative in your mind, you can stop your thought mid-stream by saying to yourself “Stop.” Saying this aloud will be more powerful, and having to say it aloud will make you more aware of how many times you are stopping negative thoughts, and where. Replace it with positive affirmations like: I ENJOY THE VARIETY OF LIFE, I SEE AND VALUE MY UNIQUENESS, I AM EASY ON MYSELF, I GO FOR THAT WHICH MAKES [...]

Self-improvement comes in many forms; it can be outward or inward, superficial or deeply meaningful. You might decide this year to change your style, lose weight, resolve to keep in touch with family members. Whatever you choose to help you feel like you’re living your best life should be considered self-improvement, and that means doing a little planning. Many people associate self-improvement with physical changes, such as getting fit, and while that can be a worthy goal, it’s important to remember that improving yourself can also be about making better choices for your own mental health or making a decision to be a more involved parent. Personal growth doesn’t have to be something you can see; it can also be about the way you feel and the way you interact with the people you love. Making these changes may not be easy at first; anything worthwhile usually takes a little time and effort. However, if you have a good plan to start with and the motivation to see it through, changing your life for the better is attainable. AlrightNow offers a few tips on how to go about it.   Start with professional goals If 2020 turned your life upside down, you may find yourself rethinking everything from the city where you live to the job you currently hold. Perhaps you’ve realized that it’s time to change up your professional goals. Maybe you’re even ready to commit to launching your own business. Your first few months of entrepreneurship will be very busy, and it’s important to establish yourself as professional and reliable early on. To get started on the right foot, you’ll also need to register your business in your state. Incorporating as a California LLC is a smart choice because it grants you special tax deductions and limited liability. Filing through an online formation service is an inexpensive and convenient way to register.   Get a new wardrobe If you feel you’re in a slump with a career you love, it’s possible that all you need is a new wardrobe for a new attitude. While it may sound superficial, many people have found that buying new clothing in order to dress for the job they want rather than the job they have helps to boost their self-confidence. It might just give you the motivation you need to go for that promotion, or to ask for a raise.   Change something that makes you feel self-conscious Everyone has something that makes them feel self-conscious, whether it’s their smile or the way they interact with people socially. Feeling awkward and insecure isn’t just for teenagers, and it can really affect your self-esteem. If the issue is something physical, consider moving forward with a change that will help you feel better. For instance, you might decide to get dental implants to fix your smile. Or maybe you have a regrettable tattoo that you can now afford to erase through laser removal. If it makes you feel more [...]

Pretend you are working on a project. It could be a project at work or at home. How will you know when you’re done? More importantly – how will you know if you were successful? The only way to know if you’ve achieved something is by setting goals. Goals give you a target to aim for and a way to see how you did. If my goal is to do 5 situps every day, then at the end of the day, I can tell if I’ve met the goal or not. But how do you set goals that will help you in anything you want to do? Instead of just focusing on family, or your job, or fitness – how can you create a strategic goal system that you can apply to all areas of your life? I want to share six techniques for setting strategic goals for a successful life. These techniques can be used for health goals, professional goals, or even personal goals like learning a new language.   Focus on Your “Why?”             Once you set a goal, you need to understand why you want to achieve that goal. No matter what you are doing, it will take time and energy for you to reach your goal. You may experience setbacks that could discourage you, or you may just not be in the mood. Focusing on your “Why?” helps motivate you when nothing else will. If you want to be healthier and more fit, then your “Why?” could be that you want to play sports with your children, grandchildren, or friends. When you don’t have any motivation (which will happen at some point), then you can remember your “Why?” and it can push you to get moving.   Break Them Down           If your goal is to learn guitar, then you’re already starting at a disadvantage. What does “learning guitar” mean? How will you know when you are done “learning guitar?” Starting with a vague and general goal is a quick way for you to lose interest. Break the overall goal down into small pieces. For the guitar example, you could say “For the next 10 days, I’m going to learn the A, D, and G Chords.” That’s it. Instead of this overwhelming goal of learning “all the guitar,” you made your life easier by focusing on something simple. Once you’re done with those chords, then learn three more, and so on. You can apply this to anything – learning a new language, remodeling a house – because every huge project is just a combination of lots of small steps.   Figure Out What You’re Going to Give Up             After you set a goal to start something, you need to figure out how much time you will devote to that goal and what you’re going to give up to accomplish it.  If you’re going to spend an [...]

“Hold up your cup here is some positive tea that I want to pour out for you.” According to Dr. Andrew Newberg, words can change your brain. In his book Words Can Change Your Brain, he states that “Language shapes our behavior and each word we use is taught with multitudes of personal meaning. The right words spoken in the right way can bring us love, money, and respect, while the wrong words or even the right words spoken in the wrong way can lead a country to war. We must carefully organize our speech if we want to achieve our goals and bring our dreams to fruition.” We all are aware of great leaders past or present who've used the power of words to revolutionize and revitalize our emotions and minds to what we believe we should be as humans. From Ronald Regan's 1987 speech that challenged Soviet leader Gorbachev to "tear down" the Berlin wall to Barack Obama's famous "A More Perfect Union" speech, or his popular campaign chant "Yes We Can," we are all well aware that beliefs are formed by words and they can be changed by words. However, what about us? I believe we each have words to ignite change, to move ourselves to action, and to improve the quality of our lives? Do you believe there is power in words? Do you believe that words can change your future or the moment you are presently in?   For instance,  we say these words to ourselves: Monday. 8:30 am: I am not good enough to work here. Tuesday. 5:15 pm: I'm not a good mother or father. I could be doing so much more right now. Wednesday. 6:30 am: This job isn’t paying all of my bills. I hate myself. Thursday. 9:00 pm: Things just won't get better for me. Do I have to wake up for work tomorrow? Friday. 2:00 pm: I am the worst human being. No one will ever love me. I make too many mistakes. Saturday. 4:00 pm: I'm so sick and full of pain. Maybe this will always be with me. Sunday. 10:00 am: I still don't feel like I'm in a good state of mind even after going to God in prayer.   Do you see what's going on here? What happened? Why are we thinking and saying these things to ourselves? Words happened. Words we told ourselves. Words others told us and we believe. Someone once said, “the words you speak become the house you live in." If you are a negative person and always speaking death, doubt, doom, and gloom and defeat in your life, that is what you will have. Words can function like medicine; they either have a positive impact or damaging effect.   Just like medicine can either cure or kill, words can bring life or death. -Lyoshi Esters   Unbeknownst to us, every day our words can kill our hope, self-esteem, confidence, desire, joy, peace, and beauty. There's [...]

When’s the last time you felt 100% confident in what you were doing? When’s the last time you had a clear mind, solid understanding, and certainty in your path forward? Most of us would struggle with coming up with examples for those. But here’s a hint - *everyone* would struggle come up with examples. Some people may seem more confident than others. Some may act like they’re more confident than others, but everyone struggles with confidence from time to time. The trick is that there are ways to build confidence within yourself. You don’t need to create a non-stop perception of true confidence – you just need to know how to become confident when you need it. Here are 5 ways to build the confidence to take on anything:   Ask yourself “Why??             Before you start on a task or project that you are not confident in, the first thing to do is to take yourself why you are not confident… Is it because you never did this before? Is it because you failed the last time you did it? Is it because no one has taught you how to do it? Questions like these help you understand where your lack of confidence is coming from, which will help you understand how to defeat it. If you never did this before: No worries – success is not guaranteed even if you have done 100 times already. Look at the situation as a learning experience. If you failed the last time you did it – Great! You were experimenting. In science experiments, there is no “pass” or “fail” – it is simply a result that you try to repeat or change. If no one has taught you how to do it – Great! You’ll be a great person to go through the process so you can teach someone else how to do it. Every great mentor in your life had made mistakes, and those mistakes help them know how to prevent others from making the same mistake. Feeling a lack of confidence is usually based in our minds with thoughts that, upon reflection, don’t make sense.   Talk to Yourself             It is natural for our inner voices to jump to negative thoughts because thinking in worst-case scenarios helps you survive. However, if you only listen to yourself, you’ll hear a lot of negative talks and limiting language that prevents you from being confident. Instead of listening to yourself – talk to yourself. Be in control of the words you use to form your thoughts. A quick way to start things right now is by talking to yourself with the word “You” instead of “I”, as in “You’ve got this.” Instead of “I’ve got this.” When you use the word “you”, it allows you to become objective on the situation. It feels like there is someone else supporting you, which can build confidence in yourself. [...]

Have you ever heard someone say, “I want to be successful today?” I bet you’ve never heard someone say that (I certainly haven’t), but that is how every person wants to approach the day. No one wakes up and says, “I am going to be a total failure today.” No one wants to believe that they will not accomplish anything for the entire day. Feeling successful is one of the best feelings in the world. Working in the entertainment industry has taught me that what “success” looks like usually involves money or status, but I’m not talking about just those. Success could mean accomplishing something you set out to do (make a sale, be a better spouse, and so on). For me, “success” means we completed a take with the actors delivering their lines with emotion. Sure, there are still hundreds of shots left, but we were successful with that one. Even though the definition of success can change person to person, there are certain characteristics that all successful people share. It doesn’t matter what industry you are in or what you are trying to accomplish – these characteristics allow for someone to be successful in whatever industry they are in – sales, hospitality, or parenting.   They Take Everything in Moderation             There’s a cliché that you can only be successful if you “hustle” by working tirelessly pouring yourself into work and nothing else. It’s the idea that you will only be successful if you work 20-hour days, 7 days a week. These are not true. The most successful people I have ever met are also the most balanced in their work and home life. When they are at work, they are focused and driven towards doing the best they can, but they always take time to answer a call from a spouse or read a text from their children. These people know the importance of having a balanced life, where work is not the most important thing. Being able to detach and spend time enjoying yourself (reading books, spending time with loved ones, etc.) is critical to your success. These times of relaxation and personal connections recharge your mind and body, so you don’t burn yourself out. Even a 5-minute phone call with a friend can instantly turn your mood around.   They Embrace Change             Did you know the iPhone came out in 2007? Think about how much the world has changed in such a short time. The world will change, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. As a parent, my sons are teaching me the need for adaptation every day. I can’t expect to parent them the way I was – they are living in a completely different world than me. If I want a great relationship with my children, I must adapt to their world. Every successful person I’ve worked with bursts with excitement whenever a change [...]